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Is Your Split Personality Becoming A Pain In The Neck?


network life center, jay uecker, louisville co, network chiropractic

In last month's article I shared with you that something had been coming to a head in me, that I was becoming more aware of a part of myself that I'd been pushing away and that as that part came to the surface, my body hurt. Sobbing All Weekend? No Thanks. Since then I did one of Lawrence Conlan's weekend retreats. Lawrence has been instrumental in helping me integrate my fragmented parts over the years. He and his retreat didn't disappoint. I was coached to shine the light of my attention on the sensations in my body, add the kindness of my heart to that, and voila, I spent the weekend sobbing. Now, some of you might be like, "Sobbing all weekend? No thanks." But this sobbing was the kind of sobbing where all the energy that I had been using to separate parts of myself was getting digested by my heart. Yes, it was vulnerable as hell but there was ecstasy in these sobs as parts of me that I'd been using an inordinate amount of energy to keep separated all my life, started to make friends with each other. It was like coming back home. Increased Quality, Not So Much Quantity, Though I've struggled over the years to really make my practice soar. I envy businesses and people that have been "wildly" successful. I've been in practice for 15 years now. While I've taken great strides in improving the quality of care I provide, the quantity, the number of people that I've been able to attract into my practice, hasn't really changed that much since my first few months in practice. This has been the case no matter how much I've stamped my foot, pushed, pulled, worked harder, tried to work smarter, cried, hired coaches, been intentional, made affirmation, etc.--for 15 years for crying out loud! What I'm About To Share May Not Be Good For Business Since Lawrence's retreat some insights have started to crystallize. I'm afraid that what I'm about to share may not be good for business. But I've learned that saying what's true simply can't hurt in the long run. Growing up, I was pressed into service on the farm at an early age. I can't say that I felt a lot of joy for the work. I certainly didn't get the feeling that those around me were working out of joy, out of love for the work. So to this day, even though I'm doing my own work, a part of me associates work with being trapped--associates work with zero fun. Consequently, there is and always has been a part of me that simply doesn't want to be here at my office, doesn't want to see more people. I see how I've been pushing off of that part of myself for 15 years. When things would get slow at the office, I'd feel how it was time to do more, get more people. This part of me that associated more work with being trapped would start to come to the surface in protest, looking for acknowledgment. But if I was desperate to get more clients, feeling that part of myself seemed counterproductive. So I pushed it away. I pushed off of it into my doing. But the actions I was taking were never very productive because I was dragging this unacknowledged part of myself along while it dug its heals in. This was all unconscious, mind you, and thus extremely painful because I had no idea why things weren't working. I would feel so stuck. Stuck? What To Do? Well, this pattern has been showing up again lately, coming around to soften me some more. I've been feeling pretty darn stuck. The solution is always to give permission for what's coming to the surface to be felt. At this retreat I had a complete experience of the stuck and the suffering associated with it. I surrendered to the stuck. I stopped trying to talk myself out of the stuck. I started trusting the stuck. In doing so my split personality was revealed. I started to see and feel this young part of me that hasn't been acknowledged. My heart opened to that little boy, saw how bummed he was at having to work in an environment that was lacking joy, and this is where the sobbing began. I've vowed to not abandon that part of me any more. Internal Relief Nothing's really changed in my external world... yet. But my internal world is very different. What a relief it is to not be unconsciously pushing against parts of myself. I can feel how I'm more whole and that feels so awesome... feels so freeing. A practice member of mine was echoing this exact thing recently. She said she was super excited because she'd had a huge breakthrough. You might think that means that she conquered some long time problem, she took massive action and changed her life forever. No, something simpler and equally profound. She said she's always felt a lot of fear and couldn't escape it. But what has become clear to her lately is that there's a scared little girl part of her. Some part of her that never got met. Now that she sees it she can soothe that part of herself. She couldn't soothe it before because she didn't have enough clarity to see it and so it was just there running in the background, getting unconsciously applied to her thoughts and behaviors and, thus, unconsciously running her life. As Within, So Without Our outer world is a reflection of our inner relationship with parts of ourselves. When we come into a loving relationship with a part of ourselves that has been abandoned and disowned, the barriers that seemed to be up for more money or more clients or that needed job or a shift in our love relationships can change.

 

This video and this song have been really connecting me lately with the innocence and vulnerability of a soul come to live on this planet: https://youtu.be/Kb24RrHIbFk

 

Say, if you're interested in maximizing your growth and evolution as a human being and feeling a lot better in your body along the way, click the link to take advantage of a FREE, 30 Minute Phone Consult.

Yours In Healing, Jay

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